Introduction
They lived happily ever after. True loves kiss. Some day my prince will come. It’s love at first sight. Wishes do come true. Where do they come up with this crap? Not that I am bitter because I am so not bitter, well maybe a little bit. The problem is that every time I think I have that “frog” who is supposed to turn into a prince….well I just end up with pee on my hand.
“I am from the school of GED” Date One
“So, Annie. You smart or something?” This question is coming from my first date after a five year relationship that I still couldn’t come to terms with was actually over. “Um, well I do have a Bachelors degree but it is really just a piece of paper it doesn’t make you smart.” He takes a deep breath and looks at me. “I graduated from the high school of GED when I was seventeen. I’m pretty stupid you know. I have been doing the same thing for 17 years and I’m okay with that. You’re really smart so I am not sure what you are doing here with me.”
I don’t know what to say to this. I am looking at his light brown eyes and nice smile. He is cute with a deep tan and thick black hair. He has a goofy grin with crooked teeth and all. He is thick and slightly taller than my 5’6” frame. His thick Bronx/Hispanic accent is a little hard to deal with but I am trying to date outside my comfort zone so I am going to be open to whatever may come my way….. well almost.
I give a little nervous laugh. “James, I don’t think you are stupid. Like I said it is just a piece of paper. Now let’s go inside and enjoy our evening.” Later on I will see all the signs that are screaming in my face. But for now I will enjoy this date no matter what happens. First sign? I had to pick him up for our date. The reason? He let his ex-girlfriend use his truck so he only has the company truck that is to be used during working hours. Before you get too excited thinking the company vehicle is nice banish that thought from your mind…..he is an exterminator. As in bugs. At least there isn’t a big roach attached to the top of the truck.
We make lots of small talk about anything and everything. He really doesn’t know how to talk low so we get lots of looks from other patrons. I find out that he has also just gotten out of a long term relationship so there is a lot of commiserating between us. I am starting to feel bad for him when he tells me why they broke up. “She said I never complimented her or spent time with her. I work nights and she took care of the kids.” Kids? As in plural? “I mean at the beginning we were hot and heavy and she was a real looker but after the baby was born she got fat and I just didn’t care to tell her anymore. I did my thing and she did hers. I only care about my daughter anyway. Her kid has too many issues and I have no time to deal with her shit.”
Wait. What? I give him this look that said that he should shut the hell up. Right. Now. Luckily the waitress comes over to take our order before I can pick up my fork and stab him in the hand for being a jackass. In my head I twirl the fork around my fingers and smile gleefully before I bring it down on his hand with an evil laugh. In reality I couldn’t hurt a fly but I can be a badass in my own mind.
For his own good I change the subject to learn more about him. Despite his lack of tact and seemingly caveman style I find that there is something about him that makes me want to get to know him better. Finally our food arrives. “Is that ketchup on your steak?” He says this very loudly and the waitress kind of smirks at me as if to say really? “No, it’s not ketchup, its prime rib that is a bit on the rare side.” I cut into the prime rib and smile. “That’s blood?” It’s as if he is talking through a bull horn because now everyone is looking at us. “You’re really going to eat that?”
I take the piece on my fork and smear it in the juices on my plate and pop it into my mouth and start chewing. “Yes I am and it’s damn good.” He shrugs and says, “ok, it’s your stomach.” As we eat I am thinking of how I am going to get out of this date as quickly as I can because this is not what I was expecting though I have no idea what I was expecting I do know it’s not this.
Dinner ends without any more drama and I pull into James’ driveway when he grabs my hand. “Look, I know I am not what you are used to dating but I really had a great time with you tonight. You’re beautiful. You have this amazing smile and gorgeous hazel eyes and me? I am a bonehead. I’m loud, I say what I’m thinking and I can be crude but when you get to know me you will find that I am not such a bad guy.” I turn to make some smartass comment but he takes that opportunity to lean in and kiss me and I have to say it is pretty damn good! He actually makes my toes tingle. That has not happened in a long time. Maybe I can overlook his caveman tendencies……or can I?
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