“Should I stay or should I go now?” Date four
I am standing in front of the mirror fixing my hair getting ready for date number four with James whom I have now dubbed the “caveman”. He has tried to be mindful of what he says but it still surprises me with what comes out of his mouth. On our last date he said that I get too dressed up to go out to dinner…..ummm really? That I make him feel very underdressed when we go places. He told me this as we were walking into an upscale restaurant that he chose in a muscle tee, you know the kind that the armpit opening goes down to the waist, acid washed jeans and black Reeboks. Turns out he knows the owners because they are one of his clients so he can dress in his underwear if he likes.
I giggle thinking about that now as I put on my make-up. Thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump-thump. I pause mid mascara stroke to see if I hear it again. Thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump-thump. Yes I hear correctly. My roommate Sara and her boyfriend Tom are going at it again. I don’t think they ever leave their room except to get food and water. It’s like the Discovery Channel in there. I can imagine the narrator explaining the scene behind her closed door in his best British accent. “The male is lying stretched out quietly unaware that the female is stalking him from the corner getting ready to pounce on her prey. He lifts his head and suddenly she jumps on him biting his neck to keep him from getting away. He rolls over on his back to show he is submissive.”
I turn up the radio so I don’t hear the moaning that usually following the thumping and it’s not her moans of pleasure…..yeah it’s like that. Speaking of the Discovery Channel, James and I have had the “talk” about if and/or when we would get to that stage. From the first date we kind of agreed that we didn’t want to get involved in anything serious since we were both coming off of long term relationships; me five years and him twelve years. Staying causal would be the best bet though I have to admit it has been a while so I’m not sure how causal I can keep it even if he is a caveman.
As I knock on his door I can hear strains of Pink Floyd coming through. He comes to the door and it looks like he has been sleeping. His eyes are red rimmed and his hair is sticking up everywhere. He gives me a peck on the cheek and walks back to his couch like someone ran over his dog. I sit down next to him and see that he is watching the movie, The Wall. Oh this is not good. Whenever he watches or listens to anything from the 80s especially if it’s Floyd he slips into this kind of depression that is hard for him to shake.
“James?” He gives me this faint smile, “I love this shit but it depresses the fuck out of me.” He takes my hand and gives it a kiss. “I’m not up for going out tonight. Do you mind? Maybe we can just stay here and have a drink?” I look at the table and see that he has already started his little pity party for one. “Oh, sure. Are you ok? Did something happen today?” He shakes his head. “No, just don’t know what I am doing with my damn life here. I’ve been thinking about her today.”
My stomach does this little flip. Even though we agreed on casual and I don’t know if I really like this caveman I don’t want to be the rebound. I walk into the kitchen and grab two more beers and hand him one. “Well then let’s just not worry about anything else right now.” One twelve pack later we are tangled in his sheets, kissing and laughing. I know that tomorrow I will regret this but right now I’m feeling good. “Annie. I really like you but I think I’m still in love with her. What the hell do I do now?”
Well this would have been good information to have earlier. Missing someone and still being in love are two different things. Now the question is should I stay or should I go? “James you are the only one who knows the answer to that question. I’m going to grab some water from downstairs. Be right back.” I give him a kiss on the forehead.
Five minutes later I am standing in the doorway listening to him snore very loudly. I have my answer. I get dressed quietly and leave him a note. Call her and tell her how you feel. Good luck. Four dates in one month and I am back at square one. I smile as I drive back to my apartment because Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd is playing on the radio. That is about how I feel right now. Comfortably. Numb.
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