“I think you sat in something” Blind date number one
My roommate Sara has convinced me to go on my first blind date with a friend of her boyfriend Tom. And by friend I mean someone he kind of knows from the office. She swears he is perfect for me and that we will hit it off well. “He is a good guy Annie. He doesn’t kill bugs for a living and he has his own car.” Ouch. “Ok, ok I will go but you better be on standby alert so if it goes south I can get out of there quickly.” The rule is she sends a text about 30 minutes into the date and if it is going well I will not text back but if I do she has to do a follow up phone call so I have an excuse to get out of a horrible date. Is that so wrong? Maybe, but it works.
I am getting ready for my date and thinking about what Sara has told me about my blind date whose name is Rich. He is 45 so he is about 8 years older than me and works for a brokerage firm. She did show me a picture and all I have to say is damn! He is really good looking with dark brown hair that has bits of gray at the temples, cut really close to his head and light green eyes that seem to sparkle. She says he is really into working out and tries to be healthy. Does she not know anything about me?
I am allergic to the gym and I have not met a junk food item that I didn’t like. Thank God I was blessed with good genes or I would be so screwed. My hair however is a different story. Curly, thick and has a mind of its own. My nickname was Medusa growing up because it looked like snakes coming out of my head. I know there are women who would kill for my thick curly hair but they have no idea what they would be in for.
We arrive at the same time at my favorite local seafood place and he steps out of his silver Audi convertible without his shirt on. He smiles and says, “Annie?” I nod as I try not to drool and smirk at the same time. He slips his shirt on with ease and I think he flexed while he did this. It is kind of funny and hot at the same time. He shakes my hand and it is firm and warm to touch. He looks over at my 2006 black Honda Civic and kind of gives me this look as if to say are you for real? I am not into material things. If it gets me from point A to point B in one piece I am very happy. “Is this your car?” His voice is almost begging me to say no. “Yes it is all mine….no monthly car payments and it gets great gas mileage.” I smile at him as if to say I dare you to say something else. “Oh good for you” is all he says.
We order a couple glasses of beer and make small talk as we wait for our food. He talks mostly about his work as a broker and how much money he makes which I find odd. Who does that? Who brags about how much money they make when they first meet someone? Then he starts talking about how his body is his temple and that he dedicates 2 hours a day to working out. I look at him and I think I make a little noise in my throat like a groan. Seriously?
“I really think that it is important to be in tune with your body. Don’t you agree?” I think he is actually flexing through his shirt and I have to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. I look down at my phone in my lap and Sara has not sent me a text yet…she is 10 minutes late. I bet Tom is there and they are performing an encore presentation of the Discovery Channel. Damn her libido! I realize I am on my own here.
“Well sure I guess. I am not a big gym person I think I’m allergic.” I wait for him to laugh but instead he gets very stern. “Annie, if I am even going to consider dating you then you will really need to step up your game and take this very seriously.” Oh shit I am on a date with a gym junkie. Fabulous. And he has to consider dating me? I think he can see the steam coming out of my ears because he tries to recover quickly by changing the subject. “If you had $1 million dollars what would you do with it? And why?” Without missing a beat I say, “I would buy you a monkey. Haven’t you always wanted a monkey? Or a gym membership and a new car because apparently they are important to some people”. I stand up and turn to go thinking I totally put him in his place when he says, “I think you sat in something. Is that ketchup?”
I wipe my hand across the seat of my pants and look. Son of a bitch! Only I can start my period on a first date with a total jerk. He is looking at me with a mix of dread and cockiness. “Well is it?” I laugh and think to myself if I were 25 I would probably burst into tears right now but since I am beyond the embarrassing stage of my life I have no choice but to shake it off. I sigh, “no, it isn’t ketchup.” He starts to ask what is but then it clicks and he says, “oh, ok. I will just wait here.”
I walk to the bathroom quickly and assess the damage…not as bad as I thought but Rich obviously knows what it is. When I leave the restroom he is waiting outside the door with two to go boxes with our food in it. “I didn’t think you would want to stay so I had the waitress wrap them up.” Oh now he is being nice. We walk to our cars and shake hands again and he asks me if I like to go boating and I say yes thinking that this is a totally random question. “Ok great next time we should go out on my boat. I will call you.” He gets in and leaves. I am confused and slightly relieved. I didn’t have to bail on the date and make him feel bad….my period did that for both of us. Something tells me I won’t be hearing from him again.
bgdcblog 