Category Archives: Dating scene

Big Girls Don’t Cry Part Seven

Posted on by under Dating scene

“Hey Mr. DJ Move Me Like You Do”
          Friday is finally here and I am so excited I can’t stand it.  I have been giving Tom the stink eye all week and he is very lucky that looks can’t kill!  He has been kissing up to me apologizing about John and says that is just the way he is.  I ask him to explain this.  Tom looks at me and laughs.  “You have no idea do you?  John is very jealous and apparently he thought the waiter was looking a little too closely at you when you were at dinner the other night.”
          I give him this confused look.  “What are you talking about?  The waiter was not sizing me up like a piece of steak.  He was just being nice.”  Tom shakes his head.  “Annie you have no idea when someone is flirting with you do you?”  I sit there and think for a minute about that night.  The waiter was cute and he was pretty friendly with me.  He kept coming by the table smiling at me and my water glass was never empty.  Oh holy hell really?  “So you are telling me that because the waiter was flirting with me that gave John the right to punch him in the face?!” 
I don’t know whether to be flattered or disgusted.  I sigh and look at Tom.  “You are officially not allowed to set me up EVER again.”  He looks relieved at this.  “Deal!”  He gives me a hug and quickly escapes to Sara’s room to avoid any further evil looks from me.  I am at a loss for words.  John was jealous of the waiter.  I think I need to stay away from dating for a while it may be dangerous to my health or those who give me a lingering smile.
          I am packed and ready to go when Sara gets home.  She of course has to say goodbye to her boyfriend.  After what I am sure is the quickest quickie on record for Sara and Tom we are off to South Florida.  The condo is on the beach and we sit on the balcony and watch as the sun sinks behind some clouds and the sky turn a thousand shades of pink and orange.  We find VIP passes waiting for us from her aunt.  This is going to be a good night.  Sara holds up the passes and says, “VIP passes and free drinks all night!  Good thing we can walk to the club from here.  Annie, are you ready to dance your ass off?!”  I answer by turning up the radio and busting out some silly dance moves.  I can feel the music already pulsing through my body and I need to be in the club now.  We mix up some drinks and eat some pizza while we are getting ready. 
          The taxi drops us off outside the club and I can hear the music from the sidewalk.  We approach the velvet rope and show the bouncer our VIP passes and he lets us through.  I look back and see that the line is around the corner of the club.  Sara looks at me and smiles.  She is the type of girl you really want to hate because she is so beautiful but you just can’t since she has the most amazing personality to go with her appearance. 
She is 5’7” in flats so she towers over me in heels.  Her strawberry blonde hair is bone straight and super shiny and she has blue-green eyes and a super watt smile to complete the picture. Tonight she has her hair pulled back in a high pony tail and is wearing dark jeans and a white sleeveless top that shows off her tanned skin.  Her look is complete with bright pink cowboy boots.  This is why I love her she can make a paper bag look good and is sweet as pie.  I am also wearing jeans and a light pink top cut high in the front and low in the back and black stiletto heels.  Sara has talked me into wearing my curly hair down because according to her men think that is sexy.
As soon as we step into the dark club I feel at home.  The music is pushing through the speakers and into my skin.  It is moving me, pulling me toward the dance floor.  I look around the bar and take in the scene.  It has a beach vibe to it decorated with nets, sharks, and divers hanging from the ceiling and brightly painted walls.  The male bartenders are dressed only in board shorts and all have twelve packs.  The female bartenders not to be outdone are dressed in boy shorts and bikini tops that leave little to the imagination but they look good doing it.  The point is to get people in here with the music and hot wait staff and I must say they have done well.
The club is packed already and it is only 11 pm.  The dance floor is overflowing with people moving to the music the DJ is putting out there.  He changes the beat pushing the crowd to move faster and scream with pleasure.  I find that I am strangely attracted to this display.  He has the power and the people have no idea.  He is like a puppet master with his tunes bringing them up to the top and driving them to want to sing, shout and dance while he pulls the strings so that they perform for him.
I want to be a part of that.  I want to be controlled by the music.  I grab Sara and we move out onto the floor just as the DJ switches the beat again.  It is a popular club song with another track pushing through the back beat.  We are dancing and laughing and I feel so free right now.  I close my eyes and move to the music.  No one else matters right this second, the music has carried me to a new level, its fingers move across my spine and over my shoulders and down my legs.  I am possessed by the music.  I raise my arms and jump along with everyone else to the pulsating sound that has taken over the whole crowd.
I open my eyes and see one of the bouncers flashing Sara and I with a spot light.  He motions for us to come to the stage.  I grab her by the hand and we move toward the DJ booth.  He leans down and grabs my hand and pulls me up on the stage and then pulls Sara up as well.  He leans close to my ear and whispers/shouts, “DJ Ray Rock wants you two up here dancing.  The stage is yours tonight ladies show the club how to do it.”
I turn and look at DJ Ray Rock.  He is smiling and moving to the beat.  He has oversized headphones on so he can get his next track ready.  His dark blue shirt is stuck to his body and I can see that he is well built. His dark hair is cut short on the sides and is spiky and longer on the top.  I can feel his power from where I stand.  He knows he holds the key to how the people will feel.  He can make them happy, sad, sexy, hot, and begging for more.  He looks up and sees me looking at him.  He gives me a cryptic smile and goes back to his music.  Suddenly I am feeling the music in other areas of my body.  What is this and why do I like it so much? 
The night goes by with lots of dancing and Sara and I never leave the stage.  From our viewpoint I can see how his music has worked the crowd into a frenzy including me.  He has brought us all up and down almost like foreplay he teases with his beats prolonging the pleasure for as long as possible going hard and soft so as not to wear us out.  The last song is on and Sara and I decide we need to get some food.  We wave to the DJ and walk toward the exit.  We are hot and sweaty and slightly drunk but feeling so good.  The bouncer from earlier comes up to us when we are almost to the exit.  “Ladies, there is a great diner just down the street from here that Ray suggests you try.”
I look back at the DJ booth and Ray is looking at me and has that same cryptic smile.  “Is he going to be there?”  I ask hoping that he will.  The bouncer looks at me.  “What do you think?”  Outside the cool wind hits us and we can see the diner is across the street so we walk over.  We are seated in a booth drinking some coffee when Sara gets a big grin on her face.  I turn to see what she is looking at and there he is.  She waves to him and I don’t know if I should be excited or pissed that she did.  Of course I am excited she knows me too well.
Ray stands at our booth and motions for me to move over.  I slide over as he slides in.  The electricity is immediate.  “So how did you girls like the show tonight?”  His voice has a slight rasp to it which is sexy as hell.  “I have not moved like that is a very long time.  My body was very receptive to you.  I mean your music.  You are damn good at what you do Ray.”  That cryptic smile again.  “All I know is that I’m passionate about what I do and what makes me great at it is that I love the sound of music more than the sound of my mixes.  I know that’s pretty deep at 5 am.”  He laughs and even that is sexy.  I think his music has hypnotized me.
Sara decides to excuse herself so she can call Tom.  Ray and I make small talk while she is gone.  I find out that he is Taiwanese and Sicilian not Hawaiian like I thought though I got the Italian part right.  He is 45 and has been spinning for the last 30 years.  I find that the electricity is growing between us.  “Annie, have you ever seen the sun come up in South Florida?”  I shake my head because for some reason I have lost the ability to speak.  He grabs my hand and we walk outside where I see Sara has already called a taxi.
“Ray why don’t you come back to our place?  We have a great view of the beach and you and Annie can continue your conversation without having someone wanting a tip.”  Inside I am doing cartwheels.  “What do you say Ray?  You in?”  He opens the door and we pile into the back of the taxi and drive off toward the condo as the first signs of sun light start to streak across the sky.

Big Girls Don’t Cry Part Six

Posted on by under Dating scene

“Funny How Things Work Out”
I have done a great job of avoiding John because I am still pretty pissed off at him for tricking me like he did.  It should have been my decision as to whether I wanted to watch him fight and he took that trust away from me.  He has called me every day for a week straight and I finally just turned my cell phone off hoping he takes a hint.  When I am ready I will talk to him but not before then.
As I pull into the parking lot of my apartment complex I see Johns truck.  Well I guess I am not going to get out of seeing him so I better put on my big girl panties and deal with it now.  I walk past his truck and it is empty so maybe he and Tom are out somewhere.  The door opens before I put my key in the lock and John is standing there looking me.  His face is still swollen from his fight and somehow he’s still handsome.  His right eye is puffy and a little greenish yellow now from the healing bruise. There is a bump on his nose from where he was punched.  I am torn now and know that this is why I didn’t take his calls or want to see him because I would get all these confusing feelings.  He gives me a big grin and leans in and gives me a kiss on the cheek.
“Hi Annie.”  I start to open my mouth but he stops me before I can lay into him.  “What I did was wrong I know I should have asked you first.  I’m a guy you know and I wanted you to see how much I love this sport.  It was a stupid thing to do.”  We are still standing in the doorway and he pulls me inside and closes the door.  Siting on the dining room table is a big bouquet of white Gerber daisies my favorite flower.  Well this just got harder.
I walk over and run my fingers over the soft petals and he follows me waiting for me to respond.  I sit down and he kneels in front of me taking me by the hands.  This feels familiar.  “Annie please say something.”  I open my mouth and close it again.  What am I supposed to say?  Stop beating people up for fun and sport!  He is looking at me with those big blue eyes and I feel my resolve melting away.  I reach out and gently touch his bruises caressing each swollen area.  He holds still while I explore his wounds.
“Is this what usually happens when you fight?”  He shakes his hand.  “Did you get distracted by me being there?”  He smiles at me.  “Yeah.  I have never been distracted like that before.” I don’t know what to say now.  I feel a tug in my stomach a good one this time and I feel that I have to give him another chance.  I touch his face again and smile.  “John, if you ever pull a stunt like that again I will beat the shit out of you myself.  I cannot I repeat cannot watch you fight.  Ever.  Again.  If you can deal with that I will go out with you again.”
He grins at me and I smile back at him.  He leans in and kisses me deeply.  Yup I feel it in my toes.  He can definitely kiss.  “I was hoping you would give me another chance so I made reservations at The Park for us tonight at 7 so what do you think?”  I raise my eyebrows at him.  “So you were pretty confident that I would give you another chance?”  He laughs, “I was hopeful that’s all.  Now we have about an hour before we need to be there so freshen up and I will wait here.”
I get up and walk towards my bedroom and then it hits me.  “How did you get in here?”  “Tom let me in and said I could wait here for you.  I’ve only been waiting for an hour or so.”  I find this kind of odd but say nothing.  When I get to my bedroom I close my door and call Tom.  He picks up on the second ring.  “Hey Annie, what’s up?”  I give him a little bit of attitude. “Hey yourself.  Did you let John in here by himself to wait for me?”  “Oh umm yeah are you mad at me?  He just seemed really upset and wanted to tell you he was sorry.  He is a good guy Annie.  What he did was stupid and he knows that.  You should at least give him one more chance.” 
I laugh.  “Ok, ok Tom.  I have already told him one more chance and we are actually headed to dinner as soon as I change. I just wanted to call and make sure you had let him in.”  I hang up and start getting ready.  The Park is a really nice restaurant right on the river so I pick a purple flowing shirt and a cute jean skirt to match with a pair of my best heels.  I throw my curly hair up into a messy bun and freshen up my makeup.  The results look good.  I smile and walk back out into the living room.  “Wow!  Annie you look incredible.”  I blush and smile shyly.  “Thanks John.”
Dinner is nice and everything seems to be going well.  The conversation is flowing and he talks about everything and anything and I am finally relaxing with him.  I don’t feel as mad at him as I did before.  The waiter brings the check and John looks over the bill.  I offer to split the bill and he just gives me this look that says no way so I excuse myself to use the restroom.
I am only in the restroom for a minute when I hear yelling and what sounds like a crash.  My first thought goes to John.  I run out to our table and John and the waiter are actually throwing punches.  What the hell is going on?  “John!!  Stop it!  What are you doing?”  He ignores me.  I try to step in and pull them apart and they crash into me sending me to the ground where I land on my bottom.  I am now officially pissed off.  I get up and grab a pitcher of water and throw the water on him.  That seems to get his attention.  He is dripping water and looking at me like he is seeing me for the first time.  “Annie.  Let me explain.”
He starts to come toward me and I put my hand out.  “Don’t!  Don’t you dare come near me!”  I grab my purse and run out of the restaurant hot tears streaming down my face.  I can hear him calling after me but I don’t stop.  I call Sara and she meets me 10 minutes later.  I open the door and she stares at me with her mouth hanging open. “Annie what happened in there?  John called Tom and said you made this big scene and ran out of the restaurant.”  Now it is my turn to gap her with my mouth open.  “You’ve got to be kidding me.  He got into a fist fight with the damn waiter!  I must have an idiot magnet to be attracting these jackasses!  It cannot be this hard to meet a decent guy can it?”  I can feel the tears again and angrily rub them away.  I am not crying over a man ever again.
Sara grabs me and gives me a big hug.  “I know sweetie I’m sorry.”  She pushes me back and holds me by the shoulders giving me a big crocodile smile.  Oh boy I know that look.   “I have a wonderful idea.  Let’s get away this weekend.  There is a new club opening in South Florida called Boca Beach and it is supposed to be crazy!  Just us girls no boys allowed.  What do you think?  We can stay at my aunt’s condo right on the beach.”  I smile at her and nod my head.  She always knows how to make me feel better.  “Is it Friday yet?”  We both laugh and head home.  I now have something fun to look forward to.  No pressure, no dates, just the girls hanging out and having fun.  

Big Girls Don’t Cry Part Five

Posted on by under Dating scene

“I’m a cage fighter” Part two Date two
          OK I admit it, I have been enjoying talking to John on the phone these past couple of weeks after our “it’s not a date, it’s just dinner” that my roommate Sara and her boyfriend Tom set up so I can’t be mad at her.  Maybe this time she is on to something.  He seems to have a lot to say on the phone that doesn’t involve cage fighting.  I did tell him that I am not a big fan of guys beating the shit out of each other for sport.  He said he has a real job and does the cage fighting on the side.  I told him I am not knocking it I just don’t want to see it.  He seemed to be understanding which is good especially since I have a date with him tonight and I am actually excited to be going.  I am meeting some of his friends at an outdoor festival that he says he goes to each year.  Kind of like a fish fry/sports deal which I wasn’t too sure about but he said it’s lots of fun and there will some kind of sporting event going on.
           I have already warned him that I am not the athletic type and he said he didn’t care about that kind of thing as long as I am happy with myself who is he to try to change me.  Total bonus points there!  He wants to pick me up but I prefer to drive myself so that I can leave when I am ready to go.  I know that is a lame reason because it is really romantic to have those grand gestures of getting picked up, receiving flowers and having my car door opened for me.  I want that but so far I have not been too lucky in that department.
          I arrive at the beach inlet just as the sun is setting and the sky is a mix of purples and pinks making the few clouds that are scattered across the skyline look like cotton candy.  There are lots of cars and trucks parked along the side of the road and I can see tents set up and big flood lights illuminating the sand on the beach.  There are bunch of guys unloading a truck and one of them turns and waves to me.  John has spotted me right away and comes up and gives me a big hug.  I feel really short in my flip flops next to his 6’3” frame. 
He is not wearing his hat and I am pleasantly surprised by his curly brown hair which gives him a boyish quality.  He has on black silk looking shorts that are the same type that boxers wear and a white tank t-shirt that is slightly wet from his sweat.  Damn he looks good!  He grins and says, “you look really cute today Annie.”  Really glad a t-shirt and shorts can be cute!  I smile shyly at him.  “Well I can say the same for you John.”  He takes my hand and leads me to the group of guys standing near the truck he was unloading.  After introductions and small talk we walk over to two long rows of tables filled with all sorts of food and snacks and so many variety of beers I feel a little lost. Behind these tables I see what looks like a stage with a fence around the perimeter and rows of chairs lined up all the way around.
“Is that a stage?  Is there going to be a band or something later?”  John just smiles at me and says, “well something like that.  I really hope you enjoy the show Annie.”  We grab some food and drinks and sit down to eat.  I can’t stop staring at his blue eyes so I don’t hear what he says.  “Hello?  Annie?”  I snap back to reality.  “Sorry I got a little lost in your eyes.”  Did I just say that out loud?!   He grins at me and leans across the table and gives me a very soft kiss on the lips and his mouth tastes slightly of beer and sweat.  I am glad to be sitting down because my knees just got weak.
John checks his watch and grabs me by the hand.  “It is almost time for the show and I want you to be up front.”  He leads me to the front row and sits me down.  Kneeling in front of me he takes both of my hands and gives them a gentle squeeze.  “I wanted you to see what I do so you understand why I love this so much.”  I get a little knot in my stomach.  Crap.  I think I just got tricked into watching something I don’t want to.  “Please promise me you will keep an open mind ok?  I am so happy you are here Annie.”  He kisses me again and runs off. 
I look around and see that the chairs around me are filling up and there is a feeling of electric excitement in the air.  Everyone is talking about the fight and who is going to win.  I hear John’s name a few times and from the sounds of it he is the favorite to win.  I just don’t know how to feel about all this but the energy from everyone around me is getting me excited about what is getting ready to happen.
John and one of the guys he introduced to me earlier named Mark step into the make shift ring and loud cheers go up among the crowd.  They are both wearing sparring gloves and shorts with no shirts.  I can’t help but stare at John.  He has an athletic build and I find that I am strangely attracted to him at this moment when I know that at any second they are going to start punching each other.  The bell rings and they both dance around the ring sizing each other up before any punches are thrown.
John rushes in and lands the first punch on Mark and the punch is quickly returned and soon they are all arms and legs flying around between kicks, punches, and holds it is hard to figure who is doing what.  I am not sure how to feel about all this when John takes a chance and looks at me.  Mark takes this opportunity and does a sweep and takes John down.  Like a cat pouncing on a bird, the two of them are moving around the floor throwing punches and elbows at each other.  John is pinned now and trying everything to get out from underneath Mark when Mark lands three quick hard punches to Johns face.  Suddenly there is blood everywhere but they keep going, fists and blood flying everywhere.
The sight of all that blood mixed with them beating the shit out of each is too much and I feel very nauseous almost immediately. I get up and run down to the water feeling like my food is going to come up….oh god please if I throw up I am going to be pissed off!  I am bent over the water gagging and the cool breeze off the water seems to calm me down and the feeling passes quickly.  I look around and wipe the sweat off my face.  Thankfully no one sees me.  I sit down on the sand shaking and feeling light headed.  There is no way I am going back up there to see that.  I can hear them yelling and cheering and my stomach flips again.
As my eyes adjust to the darkness I can see a couple of fishermen about 5 feet away unhook a fish and throw it to the sand.  I sit there and watch this fish struggle for life.  Its mouth opens and closes trying to suck in big gulps of life saving breath.  For him his elixir of life lay just a few feet away crashing softly against the shore.  I feel like that fish with his mouth gaping open for all to see waiting for the relief that will never come.  The fish is flopping now in the sand desperate for survival. That is something else that I have in common with that fish.  No matter what I do I feel that I am not going to get what I need and want so badly that it crushes my heart.  I feel the hot tears spring to my eyes and spill down my cheeks.  I don’t even know why I am crying but it feels good.  I stay on the beach for a while watching the waves crash against the shore while my mind buzzes with confusing thoughts about love and dating.  Will it ever get easier?

Big Girls Don’t Cry Part Four

Posted on by under Dating scene

“I’m a cage fighter” Blind date one
Sara has been sucking up to me ever since the “ketchup” incidence as we have playfully dubbed it.  I have not heard from Rich since our first and apparently last date and I am really ok with that.  He was definitely nice eye candy but we obviously didn’t click.  Sara has used every kind of excuse she can think of to get me back out there.  “You know that if you just sit at home every weekend you are going to turn into the crazy cat lady next door.”
I laugh because I am allergic to cats and she knows this.  “They are going to bring back that card game Old Maid and they are going to put your picture on all the cards.”  This makes me smile a bit.  She knows I am not mad at her but it is fun to make her think I am.  I have gotten a Grande caramel latte out of the deal every day for the last two weeks so we are almost even.  Now she is trying to convince me to go to dinner with her and her boyfriend.
“Please come to dinner with Tom and I.  All work and no play makes Annie a very cranky girl.  You have to get out of the apartment I think you are growing cobwebs on your girl parts.  We will buy your dinner!”  I give her my best eye roll and smirk at her.  “Really Sara?”  I start laughing again.  “If I go will you stop bugging me?”  She squeals her answer by jumping on me causing us to fall onto the couch.  “I will let Tom and John know we will meet them there.” Whoa.  “Wait a second.  Who is John?  Are you trying to set me up again?!”  She gives me this Mona Lisa smile and shakes her head.  “No silly.  He is a good friend of Tom’s and wants to hang out.  I promise it’s not a date.  So go get ready! I’m starving Marvin.” 
I sigh.  Sara has a big heart and just wants to see me happy and it is the only reason I even say yes.  And of course she will bug me until I give in so really I have no choice.  I throw my curly dark brown hair into a pony tail and check my reflection in the mirror.  My hazel eyes are greener today so I don’t bother with any eye makeup.  Au Naturel.    
When we arrive at the Beachside Bar and Grill I can see Tom at the bar and this tall guy standing next to him.  He has on a black t-shirt and white shorts with a black ball cap.  Nice legs!  From a distance he looks pretty cute but it doesn’t matter because it is not a date.  Sara runs and leaps into Tom’s arms and they lock lips for an uncomfortable amount of time while I am standing here next to John.
“Um, hi.  I’m Annie forgive our friends here they seem to have forgotten their manners.”  I stick my hand out and he shakes it firmly twice and releases my hand quickly.  “I’m John.”  He has a bit of a country accent that throws me off a little because he doesn’t look like a country boy.  He kinds of nods his head at me and I see his hat has UFC on the front.  He has very blue eyes and tuffs of light brown hair sticking out from under his hat.  His smile is sweet and he seems almost shy.  “So what does UFC stand for?”  Tom takes this moment to unlock lips with Sara to answer for John.  “Ultimate Fighting Champion Annie how do you not know this.  He kicks peoples asses for a living!”  John seems to blush at this but doesn’t really say anything.
We order our food and I keep catching him look at me but he won’t say anything.  So it is up to me to make conversation or this is going to be a long night.  “So John, how long how you been an ultimate fighter?”  He smiles and says, “Do you know anything about UFC?”  I shake my head no and he decides that it is his duty to educate me.  “I use mixed marital arts; it’s a full combat sport you know.  I have been in about 2 years now and so far I have broken my hand, fractured my foot twice, had two concussions and sprained three fingers.”
I think this is the most he has talked the whole night and he seems almost proud of his injuries.  He talks for almost an hour straight without interruption and I am starting to zone out a little bit.  Sara and Tom are still sucking face and feeding each other food so they are no help to me.  I see a couple of cute guys at the end of the bar and one of them gives me a smile.  There may be hope yet when I hear my name.   “Annie?  Did you hear what I said?”  I smile at John and say, “no I didn’t get that last part, sorry.  What did you say?”
“I said I am a cage fighter which is like the best of the bad ass things a UFC fighter can be because I use my grappling and striking skills to take down my competition.”  He actually sits up straighter when he says this.  Skills?  Did he just say cage fighter and skills in the same sentence?  Holy hell I feel like I am having a conversation with Kip from Napoleon Dynamite.  “Wow John that all seems really interesting.  Can you excuse me for a minute?  Sara?”  I give her the look of death and she jumps up and follows me to the bar.  “I need to get out of here because John’s ego is getting so big he is blocking out the sun!”  Sara smiles at me.  “Ok, ok but just so you know it wasn’t a set up I swear.”  Somehow I find this hard to believe but I let it go.
We get back to the table and the guys are paying the bill.  “John it was nice meeting you good luck with the cage thing.  Sara I will meet you at the car.”  I walk away and I am almost at the car when I hear my name.  I turn and it is John.  “Do you think that I can you call you sometime?  I really had a good time with you tonight.”  Was he not at the same table as me?  “Oh, um sure.”  I give him my number and he gives me a big hug and walks away smiling.  Well it looks like I have just agreed to a second blind date that I sure hope goes better than this unofficial first one has gone.  Looks like I am getting free coffee for a few more weeks.

Big Girls Don’t Cry Part Three

Posted on by under Dating scene

“I think you sat in something” Blind date number one
          My roommate Sara has convinced me to go on my first blind date with a friend of her boyfriend Tom.  And by friend I mean someone he kind of knows from the office.  She swears he is perfect for me and that we will hit it off well.  “He is a good guy Annie.  He doesn’t kill bugs for a living and he has his own car.” Ouch.  “Ok, ok I will go but you better be on standby alert so if it goes south I can get out of there quickly.”   The rule is she sends a text about 30 minutes into the date and if it is going well I will not text back but if I do she has to do a follow up phone call so I have an excuse to get out of a horrible date.  Is that so wrong?  Maybe, but it works.
          I am getting ready for my date and thinking about what Sara has told me about my blind date whose name is Rich.  He is 45 so he is about 8 years older than me and works for a brokerage firm.  She did show me a picture and all I have to say is damn!  He is really good looking with dark brown hair that has bits of gray at the temples, cut really close to his head and light green eyes that seem to sparkle.  She says he is really into working out and tries to be healthy.  Does she not know anything about me? 
 I am allergic to the gym and I have not met a junk food item that I didn’t like.  Thank God I was blessed with good genes or I would be so screwed.  My hair however is a different story.  Curly, thick and has a mind of its own.  My nickname was Medusa growing up because it looked like snakes coming out of my head.  I know there are women who would kill for my thick curly hair but they have no idea what they would be in for.
          We arrive at the same time at my favorite local seafood place and he steps out of his silver Audi convertible without his shirt on.  He smiles and says, “Annie?”  I nod as I try not to drool and smirk at the same time.  He slips his shirt on with ease and I think he flexed while he did this.  It is kind of funny and hot at the same time.  He shakes my hand and it is firm and warm to touch. He looks over at my 2006 black Honda Civic and kind of gives me this look as if to say are you for real?  I am not into material things.  If it gets me from point A to point B in one piece I am very happy.   “Is this your car?”  His voice is almost begging me to say no.  “Yes it is all mine….no monthly car payments and it gets great gas mileage.” I smile at him as if to say I dare you to say something else. “Oh good for you” is all he says.
          We order a couple glasses of beer and make small talk as we wait for our food.  He talks mostly about his work as a broker and how much money he makes which I find odd.  Who does that?  Who brags about how much money they make when they first meet someone?  Then he starts talking about how his body is his temple and that he dedicates 2 hours a day to working out.  I look at him and I think I make a little noise in my throat like a groan. Seriously?
          “I really think that it is important to be in tune with your body.  Don’t you agree?”  I think he is actually flexing through his shirt and I have to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.  I look down at my phone in my lap and Sara has not sent me a text yet…she is 10 minutes late.  I bet Tom is there and they are performing an encore presentation of the Discovery Channel.  Damn her libido!  I realize I am on my own here.
          “Well sure I guess.  I am not a big gym person I think I’m allergic.”  I wait for him to laugh but instead he gets very stern.  “Annie, if I am even going to consider dating you then you will really need to step up your game and take this very seriously.”  Oh shit I am on a date with a gym junkie.  Fabulous.  And he has to consider dating me?  I think he can see the steam coming out of my ears because he tries to recover quickly by changing the subject.  “If you had $1 million dollars what would you do with it? And why?”  Without missing a beat I say, “I would buy you a monkey.  Haven’t you always wanted a monkey?  Or a gym membership and a new car because apparently they are important to some people”. I stand up and turn to go thinking I totally put him in his place when he says, “I think you sat in something.  Is that ketchup?”
          I wipe my hand across the seat of my pants and look.  Son of a bitch!  Only I can start my period on a first date with a total jerk.  He is looking at me with a mix of dread and cockiness.  “Well is it?”  I laugh and think to myself if I were 25 I would probably burst into tears right now but since I am beyond the embarrassing stage of my life I have no choice but to shake it off.  I sigh, “no, it isn’t ketchup.”  He starts to ask what is but then it clicks and he says, “oh, ok.  I will just wait here.” 
I walk to the bathroom quickly and assess the damage…not as bad as I thought but Rich obviously knows what it is.  When I leave the restroom he is waiting outside the door with two to go boxes with our food in it.  “I didn’t think you would want to stay so I had the waitress wrap them up.”  Oh now he is being nice.  We walk to our cars and shake hands again and he asks me if I like to go boating and I say yes thinking that this is a totally random question.  “Ok great next time we should go out on my boat.  I will call you.”  He gets in and leaves.  I am confused and slightly relieved.  I didn’t have to bail on the date and make him feel bad….my period did that for both of us.  Something tells me I won’t be hearing from him again.  


Big Girls Don’t Cry Part Two

Posted on by under Dating scene

“Should I stay or should I go now?” Date four
I am standing in front of the mirror fixing my hair getting ready for date number four with James whom I have now dubbed the “caveman”.  He has tried to be mindful of what he says but it still surprises me with what comes out of his mouth.  On our last date he said that I get too dressed up to go out to dinner…..ummm really? That I make him feel very underdressed when we go places.  He told me this as we were walking into an upscale restaurant that he chose in a muscle tee, you know the kind that the armpit opening goes down to the waist, acid washed jeans and black Reeboks.  Turns out he knows the owners because they are one of his clients so he can dress in his underwear if he likes. 
I giggle thinking about that now as I put on my make-up.  Thump.  Thump-thump.  Thump-thump-thump.  I pause mid mascara stroke to see if I hear it again.  Thump.  Thump-thump.  Thump-thump-thump.   Yes I hear correctly.  My roommate Sara and her boyfriend Tom are going at it again.  I don’t think they ever leave their room except to get food and water.  It’s like the Discovery Channel in there.  I can imagine the narrator explaining the scene behind her closed door in his best British accent. “The male is lying stretched out quietly unaware that the female is stalking him from the corner getting ready to pounce on her prey.  He lifts his head and suddenly she jumps on him biting his neck to keep him from getting away.  He rolls over on his back to show he is submissive.”
I turn up the radio so I don’t hear the moaning that usually following the thumping and it’s not her moans of pleasure…..yeah it’s like that.  Speaking of the Discovery Channel, James and I have had the “talk” about if and/or when we would get to that stage.  From the first date we kind of agreed that we didn’t want to get involved in anything serious since we were both coming off of long term relationships; me five years and him twelve years.  Staying causal would be the best bet though I have to admit it has been a while so I’m not sure how causal I can keep it even if he is a caveman. 
As I knock on his door I can hear strains of Pink Floyd coming through.  He comes to the door and it looks like he has been sleeping.  His eyes are red rimmed and his hair is sticking up everywhere.  He gives me a peck on the cheek and walks back to his couch like someone ran over his dog.  I sit down next to him and see that he is watching the movie, The Wall.  Oh this is not good.  Whenever he watches or listens to anything from the 80s especially if it’s Floyd he slips into this kind of depression that is hard for him to shake.
“James?”  He gives me this faint smile, “I love this shit but it depresses the fuck out of me.”  He takes my hand and gives it a kiss.  “I’m not up for going out tonight.  Do you mind?  Maybe we can just stay here and have a drink?”   I look at the table and see that he has already started his little pity party for one.  “Oh, sure.  Are you ok?  Did something happen today?” He shakes his head. “No, just don’t know what I am doing with my damn life here.  I’ve been thinking about her today.” 
My stomach does this little flip.  Even though we agreed on casual and I don’t know if I really like this caveman I don’t want to be the rebound.  I walk into the kitchen and grab two more beers and hand him one.  “Well then let’s just not worry about anything else right now.”  One twelve pack later we are tangled in his sheets, kissing and laughing.  I know that tomorrow I will regret this but right now I’m feeling good.  “Annie.  I really like you but I think I’m still in love with her.  What the hell do I do now?” 
Well this would have been good information to have earlier.  Missing someone and still being in love are two different things.  Now the question is should I stay or should I go?  “James you are the only one who knows the answer to that question.  I’m going to grab some water from downstairs.  Be right back.”  I give him a kiss on the forehead.
Five minutes later I am standing in the doorway listening to him snore very loudly.  I have my answer.  I get dressed quietly and leave him a note.  Call her and tell her how you feel.  Good luck.   Four dates in one month and I am back at square one.  I smile as I drive back to my apartment because Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd is playing on the radio.  That is about how I feel right now.  Comfortably.  Numb.

Big Girls Don’t Cry

Posted on by under Dating scene

Introduction
They lived happily ever after. True loves kiss.  Some day my prince will come.  It’s love at first sight.  Wishes do come true.  Where do they come up with this crap?  Not that I am bitter because I am so not bitter, well maybe a little bit.  The problem is that every time I think I have that “frog” who is supposed to turn into a prince….well I just end up with pee on my hand.

“I am from the school of GED” Date One
          “So, Annie.  You smart or something?”  This question is coming from my first date after a five year relationship that I still couldn’t come to terms with was actually over.  “Um, well I do have a Bachelors degree but it is really just a piece of paper it doesn’t make you smart.”  He takes a deep breath and looks at me.  “I graduated from the high school of GED when I was seventeen.  I’m pretty stupid you know.  I have been doing the same thing for 17 years and I’m okay with that.  You’re really smart so I am not sure what you are doing here with me.”

I don’t know what to say to this.  I am looking at his light brown eyes and nice smile.  He is cute with a deep tan and thick black hair.  He has a goofy grin with crooked teeth and all.  He is thick and slightly taller than my 5’6” frame. His thick Bronx/Hispanic accent is a little hard to deal with but I am trying to date outside my comfort zone so I am going to be open to whatever may come my way….. well almost.

I give a little nervous laugh.  “James, I don’t think you are stupid.  Like I said it is just a piece of paper.  Now let’s go inside and enjoy our evening.”  Later on I will see all the signs that are screaming in my face.  But for now I will enjoy this date no matter what happens.  First sign?  I had to pick him up for our date. The reason?  He let his ex-girlfriend use his truck so he only has the company truck that is to be used during working hours.  Before you get too excited thinking the company vehicle is nice banish that thought from your mind…..he is an exterminator. As in bugs.  At least there isn’t a big roach attached to the top of the truck.

We make lots of small talk about anything and everything.  He really doesn’t know how to talk low so we get lots of looks from other patrons.  I find out that he has also just gotten out of a long term relationship so there is a lot of commiserating between us.  I am starting to feel bad for him when he tells me why they broke up.  “She said I never complimented her or spent time with her.  I work nights and she took care of the kids.”  Kids?  As in plural?  “I mean at the beginning we were hot and heavy and she was a real looker but after the baby was born she got fat and I just didn’t care to tell her anymore.  I did my thing and she did hers. I only care about my daughter anyway.  Her kid has too many issues and I have no time to deal with her shit.”

Wait.  What?  I give him this look that said that he should shut the hell up. Right.  Now.  Luckily the waitress comes over to take our order before I can pick up my fork and stab him in the hand for being a jackass.  In my head I twirl the fork around my fingers and smile gleefully before I bring it down on his hand with an evil laugh.  In reality I couldn’t hurt a fly but I can be a badass in my own mind.

For his own good I change the subject to learn more about him.  Despite his lack of tact and seemingly caveman style I find that there is something about him that makes me want to get to know him better.  Finally our food arrives.  “Is that ketchup on your steak?” He says this very loudly and the waitress kind of smirks at me as if to say really?  “No, it’s not ketchup, its prime rib that is a bit on the rare side.”  I cut into the prime rib and smile.  “That’s blood?” It’s as if he is talking through a bull horn because now everyone is looking at us.  “You’re really going to eat that?”

I take the piece on my fork and smear it in the juices on my plate and pop it into my mouth and start chewing.  “Yes I am and it’s damn good.”  He shrugs and says, “ok, it’s your stomach.”  As we eat I am thinking of how I am going to get out of this date as quickly as I can because this is not what I was expecting though I have no idea what I was expecting I do know it’s not this.

Dinner ends without any more drama and I pull into James’ driveway when he grabs my hand.  “Look, I know I am not what you are used to dating but I really had a great time with you tonight.  You’re beautiful.  You have this amazing smile and gorgeous hazel eyes and me?  I am a bonehead.  I’m loud, I say what I’m thinking and I can be crude but when you get to know me you will find that I am not such a bad guy.”  I turn to make some smartass comment but he takes that opportunity to lean in and kiss me and I have to say it is pretty damn good!  He actually makes my toes tingle.  That has not happened in a long time.  Maybe I can overlook his caveman tendencies……or can I?