Big Girls Don’t Cry Part Seventeen

“Dangerous Situations Make You say Crazy Things”

Splashing from the pool wakes me from my delicious dream about Michael.  I just can’t seem to ever get him out of my head.  He invades my every thought, my soul, my body.  I am lying on my stomach and crack one eye open to see Tom and Sara near the shallow end with her clinging close to his body.  We have managed to get the pool to ourselves this late in the afternoon and we are making the most of it.  Beads of sweat slowly roll off my arms and down the middle of my back.  I drop my head back down.  Between the sun and the beer I’m feeling pretty good right now.  The smell of sun tan lotion takes me back to my younger days of being at the beach all day playing in the waves and listening to music and not having a care in the world.

They are giggling and I know what that means.  “Ok you two better NOT be doing what I think you’re doing because it’s really hot and I need to jump in the water and I don’t want or need to see any body parts! I’m getting up……”  I tentatively raise my head and peek through my hair.  They are right in front of my chair dripping wet looking down at me like I have three heads.  “Honestly Annie, we aren’t always having sex you know.”  Tom can’t even say this with a straight face.

“Ooooo Sara you better get back he is gonna get struck by lightning for all that lying he’s doing right now.  Hello I live right across the hall from you two and the walls are pretty thin.  I may be permanently damaged from the jungle noises I have heard come from that room.”  Sara starts laughing at this and Tom turns a few shades of red.  Suddenly he scoops me up and throws me into the pool.  I am screaming and laughing so hard that I swallow about a gallon of water.  I come up coughing and laughing and choking all at the same time.

Tom and Sara both do cannonballs right next to me sending waves everywhere.  Yes we are a bunch of kids at times.  I swim to the floating cooler we have in the pool and grab us each a beer.  I love days like this.  I miss hanging out with Sara and Tom but Michael has kept me pretty busy these past few weeks which I really like.  I sigh thinking about all the things we have done.  “Why don’t you just call him and ask him to come over here and hang out with us?”  Sara has been dying to drill him with tons of questions about what his intentions are with me.  She worries about me getting hurt again so she is protective of me.  “I have tried but he is always busy he says when he is not with me.  He said he is working on something with the military so of course he can’t tell me anything.  And that just makes me want him even more!  Maybe he is a spy…my very own 007.”

Tom looks at both of us and sighs.  “Um, ok I think I’m gonna go back to the apartment and get…whatever so you two can do your thing and talk about him without making me uncomfortable.”  We watch him walk back toward our apartment and we both start laughing.  “Sara you better marry him!  He is not like the rest of these guys around here.”  She gives me this knowing look.  “Girl we were just talking about the big M the other night.  I am not in a hurry and neither is he.  I want to wait to see what happens with my job first.  Speaking of which have you said the L word yet?  Has he?”

I almost spit my beer out and manage to choke on it instead.  “Oh my god no!  Why would you even say that?”  Again with the look.  She knows me better than I know myself most times.  “Annie who are you kidding.  You are obviously head over heels for him.  He treats you like a queen and you are always grinning.  I mean I would be grinning too with all the crazy places you two have sex.  The man took you to the museum and had all your favorite artists on display and he seduced you under the stars, I mean who does that?”  I splash her to hide the fact that my face is turning red and I hate when she is right.  I do really like him but do I love him?  I don’t even want to admit it to myself let alone my best friend.

“I, well, I don’t know.  How I feel about him.”  I look at her and grin.  I am never at a loss for words so this is serious.  I swim over to get another beer out of the cooler.  It is empty so I grab it and take it the edge and pull myself up and out of the water.  “Annie.”  I look back at Sara and she is looking in the parking lot.  I follow her stare and there he is.  He is sitting on a suede black and chrome trim Harley Davidson Road King looking at me with that smile of his.  It’s like a wolf grin and I don’t ever know what he is thinking when I see that look.  Ok I know exactly what he is thinking and it makes me tingle. Everywhere.

I am dripping wet, no make-up on, and he is looking at me like I am the most beautiful creature in the world.  I walk along the fence and admire him as I go.  He is dressed in a black leather form fitting jacket, dark blue jeans with black leather chaps and black motorcycle boots.  He has on black leather gloves and has his helmet sitting in front of him.  I want to climb the fence and throw myself into his arms and smell the leather on him.  Instead I smile shyly at him and walk toward him as calmly as possible.  I feel his eyes on me the whole time.  My heart is thudding in my chest as well as other places.  This is what he does to me.

I can hear the leather crack as he leans in and kisses me.  I breathe him in and it makes me intoxicated, more than any alcohol can do.  He touches my hair and then my shoulder and lets his hand slide down my arm.  His gloved hand gives me goose bumps.  “I finished early and thought I would surprise you with a ride.”  I look into those light blue eyes and grab his face and pull him to me.  “I like your kind of surprises Michael.”  I kiss him deeply and taste mint on his tongue.  He groans and breaks our kiss while still holding me tightly to him.

“You are risking me taking you out of that wet yellow bikini right here if you aren’t careful.  You are wet and practically naked and you smell like coconut oil so I cannot guarantee that I can behave as I should.”  I giggle at this for some reason.  He looks past me, “hi Sara.”  She waves back.  “Hi Michael.  Do you want to join us for a swim?”  His eyes linger over my body and he grunts under his breath.  “Maybe next time.  I was hoping to take Annie for a ride this evening.”  Eyes back on me now.  “Well?”  I look back at Sara who gives me the move along wave.  “Sure can I take a quick shower?  We have been here all day so I smell like chlorine and suntan lotion.

“Of course angel though I do love the way you smell right now.  We may not make it out of your room if you stay in those clothes.”  I give him a quick kiss on the lips.  “Tease.”  I walk back to the pool and I am grinning like a fool.  “Annie you are in L-O-V-E!”  Crap.  What if I am?  What does this mean?  Does he feel the same way?  He is the first guy I have really fallen for in so long.  I should be happy but I am freaking out instead.


          I am sitting on the back of his motorcycle holding onto to him tightly as the evening air rushes through my helmet.  There are so many things to look at I feel like my head should be on a swivel.  He gave me all the tips before we started and I am trying my hardest to remember everything he said.  The sun has dipped below the trees and the back roads he has chosen are peaceful with no other cars in sight.  I peek at the speedometer and see we are doing at least 75 on the straightaways.  We have been riding for a couple of hours and he has taken me down so many roads I had no clue even existed.  The moon has come out now and is full and bright.

I keep looking up at the moon.  He pats my leg and points up to the moon.  I smile and give him the thumbs up showing him I am looking.  I have loosened my grip on him now as I feel more comfortable.  The brightness from the moon is drawing me in so much that I want to reach out and touch it that is how close it feels to me.  I can see everything, the trees, the cows in the pastures and the deer on the side of the road.  I can only hear the wind as it rushes past us and I am lost in this moment.  I let go of him completely and rest my hands on my thighs as I lean back against the small back rest.  I think the moon is hypnotizing me.  My heart feels so happy right now in this moment and I feel it in every part of me.  He has done this to me, made me feel happiness again.

Suddenly I feel his whole body tighten up and he down shifts rapidly which forces me forward and I almost crack my helmet against his.  I am not holding on and I can feel my weight shift as he swerves quickly to the right and then to the left but my body wants to keep going right.  I panic for a moment because I have nothing to keep me from falling off the bike. Immediately I squeeze my thighs against him and grab a handful of leather.  My heart is pounding and I am trying to stay calm.  Finding my balance I wrap my arms around his waist.  I see two deer run swiftly into the grass and realize they were the reason he reacted so quickly.

He continues to slow down and we pull off the side of the road.  He turns off the motorcycle and I know we are stopped and I am ok but I refuse to loosen my grip on him.  He gets my hands free and taps my leg for me to get off.  I am shaking and as I swing my leg over I know that I am going to have jelly legs.  I try to stand and end up doing a kind of squat sit on the hard dirt before falling back onto my bottom.  My fingers are shaking as I try franticly to get the helmet off my head.  “Anne.  Annie!”  I look up at Michael and he seems so composed.  “Stop.  Give yourself a minute.”  This comes out muffled because my heart is screaming in my ears and all I can hear is this whimpering sound then I realize it is coming from me.

He squats down in front of me and undoes my helmet and pulls it over my head.  Hot tears are streaming down my face as he pulls me to my feet.  He has pulled his gloves off and is wiping my tears away.  “It’s ok, it’s ok.  We are still in one piece.”  I can’t stop crying which makes me cry even harder.  “I thought.  I thought.  I wasn’t paying attention like you told me to.  I’m sorry.”  I am pacing back and forth now that the adrenalin has kicked in.

“I was thinking about you and how much I love you and when I was slipping I thought I was gonna come right off the bike and then I would never get to tell you how I feel and I…”  I stop.  Shit. I just said the L word. He is looking at me and I can’t read his face.  He comes toward me and pulls me to him kissing me so deeply I feel it in every part of my body.  “You love me?”


8 thoughts on “Big Girls Don’t Cry Part Seventeen

  1. Pingback: Big Girls Don’t Cry Part Seventeen | bgdcblog

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